{"id":652,"date":"2014-02-06T18:35:15","date_gmt":"2014-02-06T18:35:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/18.191.22.100\/?p=652"},"modified":"2014-02-06T18:35:15","modified_gmt":"2014-02-06T18:35:15","slug":"jewish-jokes-for-parshas-titzaveh","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.fargate.dev.torahmates.org\/jewish-resources\/jewish-jokes-for-parshas-titzaveh\/","title":{"rendered":"Jewish Jokes for Parshas Titzaveh"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>FROM OLIVE TO TOUGH<\/p>\n<p>(Some familiarity with the letters of the Hebrew alphabet is necessary to get this post. Here&#8217;s a <a href=\"http:\/\/www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org\/jsource\/Judaism\/alephbet.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">cheat sheet<\/a> for your reference.)<\/p>\n<p>This week&#8217;s Torah portion begins with the commandment for the Kohen Gadol, the High Priest, to light the Menorah in the Mishkan (Tabernacle) and later the Bais HaMikdash (Holy Temple). The Kohen Gadol is commanded to use the purest type of oil, olive oil. That reminds me of a story.<\/p>\n<p>A guy named Reuven had a wager with his friend Shimon that he could finish off 100 olives in one shot. Shimon didn&#8217;t believe Reuven could do it and agreed to the deal. After all, who could eat one hundred olives in one shot? The two friends called their little gamble the &#8220;OLIVE BET.&#8221;*<\/p>\n<p>Reuven brought 100 olives to the table and piled them up in seven piles. &#8220;Why seven piles?&#8221; Shimon asked Reuven.<br \/>\nReuven smiled and pointed to the first pile. &#8220;This pile over here is the MOUNT OF OLIVES!&#8221; Then he pointed to the seventh pile. &#8220;And this pile is MOUNT ZAYIN (ZION)!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Well, Reuven went ahead and squeezed all 100 olives and put them in a syringe. Then he injected himself with the olive oil. He laughed, &#8220;Ha, ha, you see? I finished off 100 olives IN ONE SHOT!&#8221; Reuven flashed a victory sign and told Shimon, &#8220;Shimon, my friend, you lost the gamble. Now you gotta PAY up!&#8221; <\/p>\n<p>Shimon was very angry and yelled out, &#8220;HEY, you didn&#8217;t tell me you would grind up the olives! You cheated!&#8221; <\/p>\n<p>Guess what Reuven answered. &#8220;TOUGH on you!&#8221; <\/p>\n<p>*Disclaimer: according to Jewish law it is forbidden to gamble. In fact, it is a SIN! <\/p>\n<p>by Yaakov Moskowitz<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>FROM OLIVE TO TOUGH (Some familiarity with the letters of the Hebrew alphabet is necessary to get this post. Here&#8217;s a cheat sheet for your reference.) This week&#8217;s Torah portion [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"sfsi_plus_gutenberg_text_before_share":"","sfsi_plus_gutenberg_show_text_before_share":"","sfsi_plus_gutenberg_icon_type":"","sfsi_plus_gutenberg_icon_alignemt":"","sfsi_plus_gutenburg_max_per_row":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[187],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v15.9.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Jewish Jokes for Parshas Titzaveh - Jewish Resources<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.fargate.dev.torahmates.org\/jewish-resources\/jewish-jokes-for-parshas-titzaveh\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Jewish Jokes for Parshas Titzaveh - Jewish Resources\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"FROM OLIVE TO TOUGH (Some familiarity with the letters of the Hebrew alphabet is necessary to get this post. 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